What I Learned at Xtreme Camp 2009

If you have ever been to youth camp as a teenager, you know it is an interesting experience. It's an even more interesting experience as an adult. Some of the things that once fascinated you, no longer seem to have much of a draw. The days of being excited about dirty lake water, staying up late when you're already exhausted and all the girls crushing on the same boy are gone. These days I wonder about the nutrition of the camp food, long for bedtime, and spend free time reading on my bed in my dorm (Sh! don't tell Grant.)

But there are two things that don't change - having a time of intimate fellowship with God and the opportunity to discover new friendships. This week was full of both for me. If I had to encapsulate the entire week, it would have to be "oh how He loves us." How many times have I said or sung, "Jesus loves me" . . . "Jesus loves the little children" . . . "For God so loved the world" and on and on, but I'm not sure that I ever grasped HOW MUCH he loves us.

I ask my two little boys all the time, "How much does Mommy love you?" and they say "Soooooooo much" but I don't know that I've ever really felt like God loves me Sooooooooooooo much. I mean I knew He loved me, and I knew that He loved me enough to watch His Son be killed for me. I just felt like He was always Soooooo disappointed in me. Frustrated that I can't get it right. Ready to condemn me as soon as I slip up again, and knowing He wouldn't have to wait long.

But you know what? He not only loves us, but He likes us and He delights in us! He loves me! He likes my personality and my craziness and my idiosyncracies! He delights in ME - Soooooo much! Just like I love my boys and take such a delight in them even with all their crazy antics and sometimes ridiculous misbehavior. You know, I need to work harder at letting them know I feel that way because too often I'm exactly the way I thought God was. Disappointed. Frustrated. Always on the verge of anger. Forgetting that they're delightful and entertaining and charming little ones that I've been entrusted with raising.

I'm thinking this may all tie back into my issues with failure which ties to my issues with having high expectations for others . . . I sense a theme in what God is doing in my life. Hope I get all the details worked out. There's an awful lot of freedom that seems to be drawing me toward it, and yet my nature still bucks this process.

For example . . . ugh, I hate to even tell this story on myself . . . the camp speaker's theme was More of Jesus, Less of Me. So the last night we're all down at the lake for the baptism service. For those of you that have never been there, it's dirty. The lake's dirty. The shore's dirty. The dirt's dirty. It's just all dirty. And then when you stand there for an hour you're sweaty and sticky and ultimately, you guessed it, dirty. Since everything was supposed to be out of the dorms, I was carrying my bag and my pillow for later on the bus. Those of you that have an inkling of my germ issues will know that this disturbed me greatly to begin with.

Well, about halfway through the service, the family of one young boy who was being baptized joined us. They've driven almost 3 hours to see their baby baptized and even brought Grandma and Grandpa. So the mom, dad and little brother sit down in front of me in the dirt. The grandmother squats in front of me in an awkward position that most little kids couldn't hold for very long. It didn't take me long to figure out that she was concerned about sitting in the very dirty dirt with her pretty skirt. But she was also not going to be able to enjoy the service hunched over with muscle cramps. I'm sure you can guess where this is going, I felt prompted so I leaned over and offered to put my pillow on the ground so she would have something to sit on. And she agreed. I put the pillow on the ground and stood back up.

I was incredibly grateful for the sunglasses I was wearing because my eyes instantly filled with tears. Not because this wonderful family had come all that way to watch their little boy be baptized and to celebrate with him. Not because an older lady was willing to sit in the dirt to celebrate her grandbaby's choice to dive into a relationship with Christ. No, because my pillow was in the dirt. Because I am selfish. I am self-absorbed. I am neurotic. But I wanted to please my God who loves me Soooo much and He wanted me to offer my pillow to this lady.

I want More of Jesus and Less of Me. I want to learn to accept how much God delights in me and wants to show me. I want to think about others before I think about me. It's a long journey, but here I go....

(Camp speaker - Steve Farris - encouraged us to embrace humility. I hope this post makes him proud.)