Building the Blocks and Boss Your Heart
I started this post because I found a blog I wanted to share - Building the Blocks. This unconventional family has 4 biological children, 2 Guatemalan adoptions, 1 adopted through the foster care system, another about to be finalized through the foster care system, and another child from Ethiopia.
The headline to her blog reads:
And that thought led me to a slightly different topic. As many of you know I recently gave birth to my third boy - and all of my boys are a handful. I have no doubt they will grow to be great men, but I often wonder if I will be whiteheaded before then. This recent pregnancy and birth were difficult for me. I was sick. I was tired. I was beaten down emotionally. I could barely walk by the end of the pregnancy. I spent a week in the hospital with kidney stones and the last 6 weeks of the pregnancy on painkillers just to be able to take care of my kids nominally. My delivery was hard. They couldn't find the right place for my epidural/spinal block. My C-section was extended to be a minor abdominoplasty when my OB realized my stomach muscles were about 3 inches apart right in front. Weston went straight to the NICU after birth because he wasn't breathing normally.
Even after we came home, I struggled. I began crying all the time for no real reason. The idea of just taking care of myself and the baby was overwhelming. Then I added my two big boys into the mix and it started all over again. I was such a mess at my 2 week post-op appointment that my OB put me on meds to help me over the hump. Nothing went as I expected from the moment I found out I was pregnant.
Now, six weeks later we're doing okay. We've setttled into a new rhythm. I'm off all of the post-surgery restrictions and enjoying getting back to our "old/new life." And so the discussion came up about birth control. I swore I didn't want to be pregnant ever again throughout the whole pregnancy this time. I absolutely could not bear the thought of adding a fourth baby into the mix during the first weeks home with the third one. So Joey decided he was going to have a vasectomy and the problem would be solved. But now that the time has come to move in that direction, I worry. Is it the right decision? What if we want more children later . . . like when all three of these are in school? Will I regret it? Joey's only 28 - that's pretty young. My husband on the other hand has not wavered in his stance that he WILL be getting a vasectomy. (Considering during the early years of our marriage, he swore that would never be happening to him, that means a lot.)
And then I read this blog and I began to think about what God's plan for our life may be. Is it selfish to want another biological child when instead we could help a child who has no parents? What if God calls us to pick up and move to another country to work with the people there? We always knew it would have to be after we were done having biological children because of issues with basic healthcare.
So, I am coming to the realizaton that it is time for our pregnancy days to end. I can give away my maternity clothes and not be concerned. God knows what our family looks like - how many people we will have, how they will join our family and even what color their skin will be. It could be complete as a family of 5 with 3 CRAZY boys and a momma who likes her solitude. Or it could continue to grow. But I am content with whatever it looks like because I know that is what He intended and I want nothing less and nothing more.
P.S. Visit Building the Blocks and read the post on "Boss Your Heart" . . . I think it's a message most of could use.
The headline to her blog reads:
Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice in the world, when He could do something about it . . . but I'm afraid He might ask me the same question. - AnonymousThese aer the stories that go past tugging at my heart, to grip my heartstrings in a vice hold - stealing my breath, sending tears coursing down my cheeks, and almost crippling my functionality. I wonder if we, as believers, are doing all we were called to do.
And that thought led me to a slightly different topic. As many of you know I recently gave birth to my third boy - and all of my boys are a handful. I have no doubt they will grow to be great men, but I often wonder if I will be whiteheaded before then. This recent pregnancy and birth were difficult for me. I was sick. I was tired. I was beaten down emotionally. I could barely walk by the end of the pregnancy. I spent a week in the hospital with kidney stones and the last 6 weeks of the pregnancy on painkillers just to be able to take care of my kids nominally. My delivery was hard. They couldn't find the right place for my epidural/spinal block. My C-section was extended to be a minor abdominoplasty when my OB realized my stomach muscles were about 3 inches apart right in front. Weston went straight to the NICU after birth because he wasn't breathing normally.
Even after we came home, I struggled. I began crying all the time for no real reason. The idea of just taking care of myself and the baby was overwhelming. Then I added my two big boys into the mix and it started all over again. I was such a mess at my 2 week post-op appointment that my OB put me on meds to help me over the hump. Nothing went as I expected from the moment I found out I was pregnant.
Now, six weeks later we're doing okay. We've setttled into a new rhythm. I'm off all of the post-surgery restrictions and enjoying getting back to our "old/new life." And so the discussion came up about birth control. I swore I didn't want to be pregnant ever again throughout the whole pregnancy this time. I absolutely could not bear the thought of adding a fourth baby into the mix during the first weeks home with the third one. So Joey decided he was going to have a vasectomy and the problem would be solved. But now that the time has come to move in that direction, I worry. Is it the right decision? What if we want more children later . . . like when all three of these are in school? Will I regret it? Joey's only 28 - that's pretty young. My husband on the other hand has not wavered in his stance that he WILL be getting a vasectomy. (Considering during the early years of our marriage, he swore that would never be happening to him, that means a lot.)
And then I read this blog and I began to think about what God's plan for our life may be. Is it selfish to want another biological child when instead we could help a child who has no parents? What if God calls us to pick up and move to another country to work with the people there? We always knew it would have to be after we were done having biological children because of issues with basic healthcare.
So, I am coming to the realizaton that it is time for our pregnancy days to end. I can give away my maternity clothes and not be concerned. God knows what our family looks like - how many people we will have, how they will join our family and even what color their skin will be. It could be complete as a family of 5 with 3 CRAZY boys and a momma who likes her solitude. Or it could continue to grow. But I am content with whatever it looks like because I know that is what He intended and I want nothing less and nothing more.
P.S. Visit Building the Blocks and read the post on "Boss Your Heart" . . . I think it's a message most of could use.
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